I recently heard someone speak about love. He narrowed his focus specifically to loving those in our lives whom we would rather punch in the face than smile at. His honest talk caused me to consider how to begin loving my enemies.

The conversation started innocently enough. Someone saw a magazine article about someone we knew years ago. By the end, though, the two of us sat there feeling kind of shook from the cast of characters that jumped out and scared us on our walk down memory lane.

Never before had I considered the sheer number of people that hold space in my memory for negative reasons. They either cost me precious mental energy, caused me trouble, hurt me in some way, or were just plain weird. In just a few minutes, after we finished talking, I had a mental page full of people pulled up, a who’s who of sketchy characters from my lifetime.

One of the characters stands out to me. She exploited her position and made many people miserable, myself included. We no longer dignify her with a name if she must be brought up. We say, “the name that shall not be spoken”. Even then, hackles raise on those who were hurt during her reign of terror. What happened changed us. As much as we try to introduce some levity in conversations that include her, her vile legacy remains active in very palpable ways.

Of course, our conversation led to “the name that shall not be spoken”. I Googled her. According to LinkedIn, she has briefly held 4 different jobs since leaving us and is newly unemployed as of this month. Apparently, her reign of terror continues. I wonder how she fails to recognize that she is her own worst enemy. Some serious introspection would do her a lot of good.

Speaking of introspection, I decided it would also be a good idea for me. I know without a doubt I appear on more than one person’s who’s who list of sketchy people. I, too, behave poorly sometimes. My own behavior caused the demise of at least a handful of relationships that I know of. I am not proud of that. Hurting others isn’t something I do for sport.

When I consider my who’s who list, I recognize that every one of those people has value in God’s eyes. When I considered each relationship, I realized things I learned in the midst of angst and or upheaval. Though I am grateful to be far, far away from many of them, I benefitted in some way from each connection.

None of us gets to be immune from people behaving badly. Sometimes, intentionally or not, we are the people behaving badly. Scripture provides a really great reminder of why it is so important to both consider our response to the trolls we encounter and work on not being trolls ourselves.

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” 

John 13:35 CSB

I can extend grace to “the name that shall not be spoken”. Without a doubt, God loves her. He loves all the others on my who’s who list and yours as well. Though those relationships are no longer, we can want the best for those people. We can forgive people who have wronged or hurt us. Also, we can do better jobs of loving people in the midst of tough times.