Years ago I went to a Winter Jam concert. I don’t know if they even do those anymore, but it was a group of Christian musicians traveling together. It wasn’t without the typical commercials to support this group and that. One of the commercials happened to be a live appearance from a prominent figure among evangelical Christians. I won’t share his name because I don’t think his intention was to do damage. I think he is ignorant and has a huge blind spot. Anyway, he was talking about having adopted internationally. He went on to talk about how damaging the foster care system is. I was tracking with him until then. After that, though, he continued with how horrible foster parents are and basically named adoption as a higher calling. I was sitting there with my foster daughter. It stung.

I share that story because I want to address the stigma there is with being a foster parent. Yes, the system is broken. Yes, it was somewhat of a traumatic experience for our family. It was worth it, though. I gained two daughters. If I had not, they would have whatever time they had spent in our family “off” from the hell they were living in. I could not help but become horribly offended by his words. Who knows who was sitting there listening. There were thousands of people there. I have to believe there were people who may have been considering fostering or fostering to adopt. I am certain he changed minds. Fostering gets enough negative press. The last thing that needed to happen was an influencer to use his platform to execute a kill shot.

There are several movies out there that depict foster care. It seems like foster parents are always depicted as abusers. Those plot lines seems to always be out-of-the-frying-pan-and-into-the-fire kind of stories. Maybe I am just guilty of not knowing the statistics. I would imagine there is no statistic addressing how many foster care situations end positively instead of negatively. Foster children are also portrayed as either incorrigible hellions or lifelong victims that can’t catch a break. I think the people that make those movies subscribe to the talking points of that influencer I heard.

Hear me, there are SO MANY wonderful people out there who are doing their level best to love and care for children who needed help. They need encouragement. They need understanding. They need more people like them to want to help children in their local communities. Our lifelines didn’t end up to be our friends and family. Our lifelines were other people walking through the imperfect system. Until you have done it, you have NO BASIS for an opinion. Even now, 10 years after our profile was closed, my friends that fostered and adopted are my go-to people for all things children related. I also serve in that capacity for them.

I don’t have one bad thing to say about any form of adoption. There are many ways to help children who need a home and a family. Adoption whether domestic, international, private agency, or local government is an AMAZING thing. I just really feel the need to highlight the need for good foster parents. I want to offer some good press.

Truth – It is hard. You are taking in children who have trauma. Also truth – the children just need love and safety. They don’t need to be fixed by you. They need ice cream, day trips, animals to pet, and laughter. You are capable.

Truth – There is money involved. I am certain that people do abuse the system. I am talking to regular people like me and Hubby Guy. The money isn’t a significant amount. It is enough for ice cream, day trips, and a few groceries. If fostering a pile of children is your plan for getting rich, you need a new plan. At the same time, don’t let finances be an excuse. The money is enough to be helpful. I will add, with every child comes significant responsibility on your part in family visits, court dates, and time with case workers. There is NO AMOUNT of money worth all that.

Truth – You might end up being a revolving door. Yes, but you are repeatedly presented with opportunity on a silver platter. I have thought at times that being a revolving door IS the higher calling. That way you end up impacting many children for good. Though our count stopped at three, I love the notion of loving many little lives. For us, we wanted to be in until we could adopt and that happened pretty quick. I know people who jump in later in life because they have space and an abundance of love. The right time is whenever is right for you. You might have one or one hundred. Either number impacts children, and that is the point.