NOTHING… and I mean NOTHING fills me with more energy than hanging out with a friend. I can be practically lifeless before and walk away from friend time with a substance-free high.

Until fourth grade, I was a total loner. I got along with everyone; I just spent more time alone. Solitary time with my thoughts was more life-giving to me than playground games. I am introverted for sure, but in those days I took it much further than I do now.

That year of school brought with it a new kid. I am still not sure what it was about me that drew her, but she was drawn…annoyingly so. She talked to me every day at recess until my will was broken. Her persistence resulted in an epic friendship. That friendship was the first, and pretty much the gold standard for friendships from that point forward. I have only had about 5 friendships like it in my lifetime thus far.

Magic happens when we find those people, doesn’t it? Those people with whom we can let our guard all the way down. Those people that we can’t look at in awkward situations because we know we will likely start uncontrollably and inappropriately laughing and probably get banished. People like that are my favorites. Can you name those people in your life?

The global pandemic has caused a grand reset in many senses. For me, the largest impact has been felt in my friendships. Maybe it is different for you, but most of my friendships are with those people that I cross paths with often. They take less effort and are convenient. Shared experiences go a really long way when forging friendships. Shared life goals, shared beliefs, and even shared interests are often enough, but nothing works faster in getting to know someone than shared experiences. And, to share experiences you need the world to be open. When crossing paths became a thing of the past, my friendships shifted.

Now that people are beginning to venture out into public places again, everything feels different. I feel like I emerged into a parallel universe exactly like where I was before except with different people. I was looking around at church recently and saw none of my friends. I have been going to that church for 14 years and from my vantage point, I saw mostly strangers. Now, that is actually a really great thing for several reasons, but it felt strange. I missed the comfortable familiar that I had come to expect before the lockdown. My friendships are secure, but we haven’t gotten back to the place where we cross paths regularly.

Last week I got to hang out with a friend that lives on the other side of the state. Our friendship was not forged out of convenience. We have always had to intentionally carve out time for one another (most often at our favorite local bagel shop – Mr. J’s). Oddly enough, ours is one of my favorite friendships. What we share comes more from a heart-level connectedness than a convenience level one. I left that meeting thinking deep thoughts about how desperately people need heart-level connection and how lazy we are about seeking it.

What if, in fourth grade, Linda had just gone with the people who were her easy option? What if she had chosen to ignore whatever it was that drew her to me? I think my life would be very different today. I am a better person because of Linda’s friendship all those years ago. Whose life needs me to not be lazy? Whose life needs you to choose to pursue a friendship for reasons unknown? We may never know.

What I hope is we will take the time to consider where we place our efforts with regard to connectedness. Are we operating from a place of convenience? Or, are we paying attention to the nudges we feel but cannot explain. Right now in life, we all have a golden opportunity in this parallel universe with different people. Let’s be intentional about connecting with people.  Let’s pay closer attention to the nudges.