Are you guilty of putting stock in unimportant things? Do you have a habit that makes God roll His eyes? We are, after all, big weirdos, every single one of us. God knows and understands. He contends with our show tunes and lack of understanding, as long as we seek after Him.
The Shelves
I started making sense of all the books loaded straight from boxes onto bookshelves. I love books, but I felt overwhelmed by their haphazard placement on the shelves. My show tune and movie theme internal jukebox dialed up Julie Andrews singing “Do-Re-Mi” from The Sound of Music.
“Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. When you read you begin with A-B-C, when you sing you begin with Do-Re-Mi”
Rodgers & Hammerstein 1959 – The Sound Of Music
The inhabitants of the house were occupied by a visitor, so I began searching their collection for a few additions for my “to read” pile. Irritation crept in during my hunt. Chaos pains me. Organization ensued. ABC… and I kept organizing, making piles, and reshelving.
Home
Surprise tears sprung to my eyes from somewhere, lost in piles of books and the Rodgers and Hammerstein tune. The thought, One day I will mourn this too, seized my heart. Why, I questioned myself, while picking through the piles. They literally just moved, I reasoned. Boxes remain to be unloaded, I argued. My tears persisted. I sat down on the couch, alone, crying, and feeling like a big weirdo for losing it over moving into a new space.
Nine months prior, I drove away from the house I felt most at home in for the last 21 years. At the end of 2016, I stood in the home of my grandparents for the last time. Where the church sat when I said “I Do” to Hubby Guy almost 18 years ago is now a vacant lot. As much as I love my people, I get attached to locations.
My memories mix with the textures and scent of a place. When a location ceases to be a place I will go, I fear losing some of the richness of the associated memories. Do you know that feeling? When you walk into a place so familiar that its very essence envelops you like a warm blanket when you come in from the cold. I call that feeling home whether the place is a house, a church, or a favorite park bench. A type of mourning happens for me when special GPS coordinates become obsolete.
Old Habits Die Hard
“I will just need to find a new place to escape to when life gets stupid. I might even like it better. That is hard to imagine right now, but I am willing to hope for it.”
Adapting to Change – Stef E. Lewis – WallFlower Diary
I wrote the words above after one of the losses I shared. In fact, the books finally moved to the “even better” place I hoped for. I think that moment of realization prompted my tears. One day I will mourn this too. The thought began an unfolding of sorts. As I considered the locations in my life that meant the most, I realized the transient nature of things. I realized the where is unimportant. What is important is who.
In the mid-1500s, John Bradford is credited for having said something along the lines of, “But by the grace of God go I”. The phrase serves me well. I stay guilty of being set in my ways, not considering the bigger picture. Plenty of times in life I thought I had a grand plan about what would happen where but watched it crumble all around me. I am pretty sure my habit of collecting location attachments causes God to roll His eyes.
The Good News
The good news for those who trust in Jesus is He has gone to prepare a place for us where we will be for eternity. I may well mourn where the books are now. The place is a rental. But, I will spend eternity in heaven with the people that have all those shelves full of books. He is preparing an “even better” place that is guaranteed to blow my mind.
“A person’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps. “
Proverbs 16:9 (CSB)
As we go about our days, doing the best we can, let’s honor God with our moments. When we make our plans, let’s not forget who holds our future in His hands. If a situation arises and we find ourselves crying alone on the couch, can we try to remember that even with the transient nature of things the Lord determines our steps?