We all struggle. Not one of us is perfect, but we sure do pretend we are. I have walked through dark times hiding my hurt behind the smile on my face. I bet you have too. We cannot help the people around us by perpetuating that behavior. So, how can we make a difference?

Emotional Honesty

Sunshine makes me happy. I crave blue skies. On the coldest days, warm sunshine streaming through the windows bolsters my mood. Some days, though, heaviness rolls in like a fog, and even warm sunshine fails to chase it away.  

Last week brought news of the death of a student. News like that always feels like a sucker punch, an extra blow from life before healing has happened from the last wound. Her death is not the first this semester. Three deaths of local college students have made the news in as many months.

The last two deaths have hit too close for comfort. Some of the students in the academic program I work with at the university were linked in one way or another to the people who lost their lives. For that reason, the program faculty and leadership met with them last week after the latest death. They met to offer support, have conversation, and help them start processing.

Suicide is a tough topic. The headlines show more and more of it. According to the write-up, too often the person’s friends and family had no idea they were struggling. I started wondering why we hide our deepest hurts.

After the meeting with the students, the Program Director shared with me that during the meeting she showed emotion. At seeing her emotion, the students got emotional. I got the impression from further conversation that she wished she had been able to appear stronger at that moment for the students.

I shared with the Program Director a couple of days later that I believe she did the students a great service. How often do we see leaders break down? When I think of a leader, words like strong and in charge come to mind. Tearful is not a word I typically associate with leadership. As their leader, she was able to model appropriate emotion for them and, in turn, give them permission to do the same. I find that absolutely beautiful. She validated their emotion and gave them permission to breathe into the heaviness instead of just adding it to all the other items students inevitably juggle. That brand of leadership is worth emulating.

Whether or not we hold a position of leadership, when we learn to share our vulnerabilities, we show others the way. Maybe we can’t save every life, but even one life is worth the effort. What if we practiced emotional honesty more often? How would it feel to see someone you look up to show that they also struggle? Those are the people who have made the biggest impact on my life.

Own Your Value

I heard this song for the first time a couple of months ago. I have probably played it hundreds of times since. Please take the time to listen. I just cannot say it any better than Sarah does.

There is something to be said for believing the truth about ourselves. Not only does it change our outlook, but it makes us accessible for connection with others. When we build connections with others, we have the best opportunity to impact them in a positive way.