I’ve had this “work of art” for almost 27 years. It was inspired by an inside joke between myself and a couple of friends.  I haven’t thought about it in years. This morning, though, Pastor Guy preached a message called “Following Jesus… when I’m angry”.  This picture came to the front of my mind.

     The ironic part of the picture is it was born out of love. I don’t remember the exact story of where it started, but the phrase “I’ll kick your butt every which way!” was an expression we used basically for accountability. It was an if-you-do-the-thing-you- know-you-shouldn’t-do type of phrase we used on each other. It made me smile when I thought of it.

     I thought back to 27 years ago. I was reminded of the relationships in my life at the time. Of the two people associated most with the picture, one is still in my life. I’m friends with the other on Facebook. I thought about all of the life we have lived since then. There are good times in the story of our friendship. There are also bad times and certain brokenness. We ultimately went our separate ways. The truth for me, though, is I still love both of them. What was forged in that period of time has significance forever for me.

     My life for a while now has been plagued by chaos in a key relationship.  I have been hurt, sad, angry, depressed, and frustrated. I feel like I have felt every emotion possible about the situation. I don’t handle chaos well. I thrive in calm environments where everyone is crazy in love with each other. I like for everyone to be where they are supposed to be and behaving the way they should. I prefer my house to be clean and orderly. I need to be able to trust those that claim love for me. I also know that is not how life works.  As much as I would like to, I can’t control the choices of others.

     This morning Pastor Guy used the equation: unmet expectation(s) + fear = anger. I don’t know where he got that but I’ll accept it. That makes a lot of sense to me. My personal need for control is driven by expectation upon expectation. Is that fair? Maybe not, but having expectations is part of being human. I want the best outcomes for myself and those who I have relationships with. I can’t speak for the rest of the planet, but for me, those I have no expectations of I also have no concern for. I would be willing to bet that I am not alone in that.

     The fear part of the equation surprised me, but I understand it. I have said to my children for years…”Does it matter who is talking about you? Do the people they are talking to matter to your life? The truth always wins.”  It hurts when you know people are talking about you, whether they are speaking the truth or not. It is absolutely fear-inducing to think that there may be people out there hearing and believing things about you that aren’t true. That is, in my opinion, one of the yuckiest feelings there is to have. I believe my own advice, though. The truth always wins. It may not win quickly, but it wins.

     I have felt very torn over the chaotic relationship. I wish the solution were as simple as me saying “I’ll kick your butt every which way!” and the person stepping right back in line. It just isn’t that easy. At this point, the relationship is badly broken into millions of tiny pieces. The only thing I can control anymore is my own response to the situation. Pastor Guy shared I Peter 2:23 (CEV) this morning.  “When He was insulted He did not reply with insults. When He suffered He did not threaten revenge. Instead, He entrusted Himself to the One who judges justly.”  Jesus modeled what to do.

     The truth is I will love the person forever, broken relationship or not. God knows. He knows where each of us is right and where each of us is wrong. I trust Him with the absolute truth. That brings me a good bit of comfort in the situation. Oh how I wish I knew the outcome. 27 years from now, what will I look back and say about these days I’m walking through? I don’t know. I do, however, want to remember that I followed the example set by Jesus. I want very much to be able to utter hallelujah at how God redeemed the situation.

    Today I look at that 27-year-old “work of art” in my scrapbook and know that things happen for a reason and that God is in control. I am grateful for the reminder of times and relationships past. I’m encouraged in remembering the ebb and flow of life. People come and go. There are always going to be good and bad times ahead. But this I know… Hebrews 13:8 (NASB)” Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” and Psalm 46:1 (ESV) “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”   That I can take to the bank!