Do you have a community? Are you good at allowing people to come alongside you when life gets tough? We can’t be islands unto ourselves. We do not have to fake it until we make it. God made us for community. Living life even and single-minded may seem like safety, but it closes us off from living successfully in community with others.
Recently, memories from one of the toughest parts of my life surfaced. Thoughts of how I managed to survive paraded through my head. Feedback post-event from friends, as well as my own general impressions of what went on reawakened. Enough time has elapsed that perspective comes a little easier.
In the midst of things, I erred on the side of forcing myself to play tough. After all, the terrible thing did not happen to me directly. My role was cast by my position in the family. As Mom and Grandmother, I did as expected. The trouble with the scenario came with the completely abnormal circumstance. Not one of us ran the show. We got tossed about daily for two and a half years as if we lived on the first row of a roller coaster.
Why do we play tough? Do you do that? Do you pretend to rise above? Is “I’m fine” your go-to response? I do both of those things and more.
I grew up watching Looney Tunes cartoons on Saturday morning. The short cartoons played one right after the other, so I took the good with the bad. Most of the characters made me laugh. On the other hand, Pepe LePew the obnoxious, love-sick skunk bothered me very much. He hopped from place to place oblivious of the devastation he caused literally everywhere he went. That character provides a great cautionary tale in favor of self-awareness.
I thought of Pepe this morning. Specifically, his hopping came to mind. You can click the link above to see what I am talking about. Anyway, he remained very even and single-minded. That part of his character reminds me of myself. That kind of evenness feels safe to me. To live day in and day out unbothered sounds lovely.
At some point, I adopted an even lifestyle. Maybe you are familiar? I stay, for the most part, very private. I do not ask for help. Loyalty and consistency reign supreme. Even. Quiet. Unbothered.
Years ago, a person new to me asked, “You just go with the flow don’t ya?” Yes, I do, Ma’am, yes, I do. Public persona achieved.
God created us for community, though. In my effort to remain even, I am often dishonest with myself and others. We can be even, laid back, unbothered, etc. but we need not pretend everything is handled when we are struggling.
An honest friend positively fileted me on that point several years ago. I darn near lost her as a friend because of it. She called me out for hiding my struggle. She called me selfish, and she wasn’t wrong. My friend did not expect me to bare all in front of anyone and everyone. Her issue stemmed from me shutting out my own support community.
I don’t want to be a bother. Needy doesn’t look good on me. Can you relate? My friend wanted to help me better understand how a community works. I still struggle, but I understand better because she cared enough to point out my behavior.
A few weeks ago I spoke at a ladies’ event. I wore my readers so I could see my notes. Wearing my readers made the audience fuzzy. I could see just a couple of faces that were closest to the stage. One particular lady kept my attention. Every time I glanced in her direction, I saw the sweetest smile on her face. Her smile is the kind of smile that can buoy a person. I desperately needed it due to my nervousness.
I reached out to the lady to let her know how her smile helped me through my presentation. That sparked a conversation. As it happens, tough times rule her life right now. Her plight so resonates with me.
I learned from the conversation with my new friend what it looks like to share struggles. Her honesty wasn’t a bother to me. She doesn’t come off as needy. Her example is one to remember and emulate.
Our conversation was sparked by a smile. She got up that morning, drove to the church, and smiled sweetly at a stranger sitting on the stage. I can imagine all of that felt like more than she actually had to offer. But, community works that way. We offer what we can, and God takes care of the details.